I'll find my words when there's no one talking

2:32pm
I love college. One of my professors is Indiana Jones hot. No joke.

Handwritten Journal Entry

September 1, 2009


As if demons weren't bad enough. Now people have to start killing people for no good reason. And injuring innocent people. This just sucks.

I should be better with my words. I just don't understand how so much hatred can exist in the world. We can't really be blamed for our birth. We did not choose to be more than human. That shouldn't make us different from anyone else. We have rights and honestly, I'm just concerned with the right to live my life unencumbered by people deciding that I must be killed. I dont exactly want to compare it to what happened with civil rights but it's not really that far off. Why should I have to fear leaving my home and worry about my loved ones because someone is a bigot? Explain to me how that makes sense.

Winifred and Lotti were the lucky ones. They didn't die in the bombing. But they could have and that scares me. What happens when they decide that they want to bomb the high school for letting a vampire in? What happens when they decide to have a drive by shooting at the Nest because they happened to see someone who is a were walk in? When will this end because it's nothing short of ridiculous. I have done nothing wrong. Neither have my friends. So people need to get their heads out of their butts because this kind of ignorance should have disappeared decades ago. It's the 21st century for crying out loud.

I just don't want Elijah and Jocelyn to have to be as afraid as I am. They're just kids. I hated seeing Winifred in the hospital yesterday. She looked so fragile and it just hit me about what happened, how badly everything could have ended yesterday. Add to that seeing Lotti in a cast, and I'm naturally freaked out. It hurts to see the people I care about in pain, even if that pain is short-lived. Seeing plaster on someone's arm or the number of things that can be hooked up to a person's body is really unnerving.

I'm still terrified and I had a nightmare last night that everyone in my family was there. All I saw was blood and I couldn't handle it. I woke up sobbing into my pillow. That's not right. No one should feel that kind of fear. I know I keep repeating myself but it's true. I hate this feeling. Ugh. I need to go find my mom or Sai and just try to forget this feeling for a while. Can't wait for Winifred to be here. I'll feel better when everyone is under one roof again.

1:30pm

Sai, where are you? Are you okay?

1:31pm

Please tell me you didn't go to the march.

1:32pm

Would Winifred go to something like that?

Handwritten Journal Entry

August 28, 2009

This summer has been crazy. It's hard to believe I turned eighteen a little over a month ago. With demon attacks and everything that has been going on, I don't know which way is up any more. It won't be long before I'm sitting in classes, up to my ears in assignments and books to read and activities to be a part of. And yet I still have no idea what I want to do. I think as a little girl I changed what I wanted to be when I grew up so often that now that I should be seriously thinking about it, I have no idea what to do. I didn't realize being an adult would be so hard so quickly. It kinda sucks.

I think I might have been a little wishful in high school, thinking about how awesome the future was going to be, what it was going to be like to go off to college and live my dreams. The only thing I forgot to figure out was what my dreams actually were. Do I want to be a teacher or a writer? Maybe I want to be a nurse or a cook. No, I don't really want to be a cook, no offense to my dad or brother. It's just not really my thing. Maybe I want to be a vet! Or a librarian... no, definitely not a librarian. OH! A bookstore owner. Or a cafe owner. Or a bookstore slash cafe owner. That would be cool. Ugh, the point is, I just have too many options. How am I supposed to pick something?

I guess the only think I know with any certainty, thanks to the relationship my parents have and some romance novels, is that I want to fall in love. I haven't really had a boyfriend before, not for long anyway. I want to fall in love and have a family some day. My mom is amazing and I want to be that for my own kids some day. Some day very far away because I'm so not even remotely close to having children of my own. God, can you imagine me as a mom in like a year? I just shuddered. No way.

But love... I could be in love sooner rather than later. It wouldn't be so bad. I see Sai and Winifred and I want someone to look at me the way they look at each other. I want someone to hold me on the couch the way Mom and Dad do when they think we're all asleep. I don't need Prince Charming because he might be a touch overrated. But I wouldn't mind someone to call my own. Maybe one day I'll find that. Who knows if that will be today or tomorrow or even any time this year. Maybe I want it too bad but I'm hoping that some guy will come in one day and sweep me off my feet. It would be kinda epic.

Handwritten journal entry

June 25, 2009

For some reason, I almost want to call this D-Day. The day the demons came to town. It was terrifying. Dad got a call from Mom while we were at the Nest. Anora had flown over and she was twittering around Dad's office, freaking out about it finally being here. It turned out to be demons, one of which tried to nom Isaiah like a snack. Needless to say, I wasn't very happy. Actually, I was pretty close to having a melt down until we got home. Dad closed the Nest early. He never does that. So, naturally, that didn't help the freaking out.

Sai's gonna be okay, thank God. It'll heal. Mom worked her magic quite literally and I did my best. It's not much and I can't help but wish I was stronger. I mean, there are demons around for crying out loud! How am I supposed to look after Elijah and Jocelyn if I can barely help healing Sai's leg? I felt so freaking useless. He kept telling me that I would get better with time and when I finally came up here, Nora said the same thing. Doesn't exactly make me feel better.

Ugh, I hate this. Really.

And of course, I couldn't start the new book I'd gotten because of the demon craziness. Pride and Prejudice and Zombies I heard it was very good. I actually got the last copy. It was almost this guy's, Liam. But he gave it to me. He was sweet, kind of charming, actually. And it was cute how he got a little red when we were talking. He's pretty cute. Okay, cute may be an understatement. He's pretty hot.

So we're sharing this book. When I'm done, I'm going to lend it to him. But the funny thing is, after I finally settled down and realized Sai was going to be okay and that the demons couldn't get it no matter how much they wanted to, I was thinking about him, wondering if he was okay, if his siblings were safe. Maybe I should call him. Just to, you know, check on him?

sent 8:47pm

Sai, when are you coming around the house? I want you to meet Anora.

( Awards )

( I’m only spinning )